A Sordid Mortgage

We met at a Blues club in Chicago
I explained what I thought I would need
He retrieved his calculator
And inquired...shall we proceed?

Your hands will serve as down payment
He looked up at me with a smile
And I took his bait fully knowing
That I might be here for a while

Your mind is the compounded interest
For the remaining contractual time
I took a hot gulp from my coffee
He slowly sipped his red wine

Your heart is the principle balance
For this sordid mortgage affair
His service seemed rather expensive
Though I was too desperate to care

Your soul the discounted grand total
For all costs here clearly defined
He slid the contract across the table
I needed only to sign

He watched me with anticipation
Delighted he passed me the quill
But I could not bring myself to it
I choked on the weight of his bill

Perturbed at my audacious consternation
His face blazing scarlet with rage
With my declination apparent
He vanished engulfing the page

There are times I admit I regret it
For I lost what my life may have been
I know I will burn if the offers' returned
Lord forgive me... my impending sin

Unwanted Rescue

Now let me rest near azure sheets of silver and white
Stretched upon the silk of brown and gold
Dreaming upon light splashed crowns of cotton
Far from winter's bitter sting of cold

Let me awake to the chipper chatter of jokers
Wandering through thickets of sensual scents of bloom
Laughing with colors of rainbows that play in the tree tops
Far from the dismal and monotone of my room

Let me test strength against winds with the force of eruption
Bathed in the blue flashing strobes of a grumbling sky
Wincing in pain as the needles strike down from dark specters
Absorbing the power of she where her anger resides

Liberate I from the vessel that rips me from rapture
Leave me as beaten and battered as those who remain
Take me not from my paradise fading with distance
I care not should anyone remember my name

Fun With My Male Kin

My brother was born the youngest of three
After my little sister and me
I was the oldest and he was so young
The spawn of my daddy's and mother's love
Cute as a puppy and like no other
...bla bla bla... that's my brother

He grew up and joined the Marines
Most handsome soldier that you've ever seen
My daddy was proud my mother gloated
And I swear that boy's head exploded
I'd point out to the crowd that arrogant mother....
...bla bla bla...that's my brother

My brother works on big freight trains
I think the work melted his brains
He grew up and became a man
Takes care of his family the best that he can
Gives of himself to benefit others
...bla bla bla...that's my brother

He and I never could agree
Eye to eye we did not see
He has his opinions and I have mine
And I think he's wrong most of the time
But though we bicker we still have each other
...bla bla bla...that's my brother

My brother likes fishing and tribal tattoos
Screaming death metal and beer over booze
But he wins over friends wherever he goes
A smile and a wink keeps you fast on your toes
But he'll be a best friend like no other
...bla bla bla...that's my brother

I talk with my brother on the telephone line
Though it always seems to be on my dime
Yes we live a thousand miles apart
But he will always be prince of my heart
So
Better stop now before I start to blubber...
...bla bla bla...love my brother

The Magnolia Tree

Years ago was planted a magnolia tree
A poor twig bent and leafless...
Never had much hope that it would be
Anything more than just a tree

But it took angry storms and brutal sun
Lost many branches along the way
Drew it's nutrients from the soil
But year after year it stayed the same

Not one new leaf let alone a bloom
No one would notice or see
It remained the crooked and immaterial
Barely even a tree

And then one day while tending the green
There was a tap on my shoulder
I looked up unable to speak
The little tree had grown older

It stood so high above my head
Blooms bursting with such scent and pride
Strong and tall and arrow straight
I was so happy that I cried

Mockingbird Hushed

High in the trees his songs are stolen
Though his composition beautiful
Relaxed he brings joy into this heart
Crooning in the darkness when light has long since passed
And the moon is his spotlight
He serenades with vigor to a lovely lass
Hidden away or dreaming
Then jolted out of bliss
I wonder what it means
When suddenly his lovely voice goes silent

And We Dare

How dare I
Take the time to let you know
I enjoyed your beauty so
I will go silent
How dare I
Flash a smile of appreciation
An enthusiastic ovation
So I'll sit on my hands
How dare I
Seek out your latest musing
With a selection of my choosing
So perhaps I should turn away
But how dare you
Accuser of the collective
Point the finger irrespective
In judgment of an ambitions few
And how dare you
Display for all to see
In sarcastic mediocrity
Your intolerant impatience
How dare you
Snub true sincerity
While you're screaming
Look at Me
How dare We
Assume we know all hearts
This is where hatred starts
Frustrated I close the page

Time's Executioner

I serve as a warning
To the boldly self righteous
To the ignorant lazy decay
Appointed by thunder
Anointed by lightning
And cleansed by torrential tears rain
You who are nothing who
Claim to be something
To whom that nothing returns
Stand up and be counted
The numbers are rounded
And all that you covet will burn
Your brush with the Reaper
Of chilling death's fever
Corrects my posture and stance
Confined to my duty
Stripped of my beauty
Your entire world is mine
With a glance
Come now envision
My vicious precision
A moment before your last breath
For the hypocrite fools
Who dismissed the Grande Dame"s rules
The sentence is a fate worse
Than death

Daddy Remember...

Daddy I'm lost and I'm hurting
Daddy I can't make it right
Daddy my heart became jaded
The day you stepped into the night

Daddy you told me you loved me
Daddy you promised you cared
Daddy I'll try to be brave now
Though I know you're no longer there

Daddy I know you were hurting
I'll never know how you did feel
But Daddy I know that your pain was intense
So haunting and so very real

When I heard the phone ring that evening
I knew something had to be wrong
I screamed as my kid brother told me
My Daddy had passed and was gone

I could not believe what he told me
His words tore through me like a knife
But Daddy nothing prepared me
When he said you took your own life

Daddy I'm scared and I'm lonely
A numbness that won't let me go
Daddy I wish I could tell you
The things that I want you to know

My mind never quiets for too long
And I hear that dark marching band
Daddy I'd give it all up now
If I could hold onto your hand

Daddy I need you to hear me
Though you need your rest too right now
Daddy I'll keep on believing in love
Though right now I just don't know how

I know you are one with forever
And your face I will never again see
The Daddy who gave me my courage
Who meant the whole world to me

If you should awake from your slumber
And look down on me from above
Daddy please remember your daughter
As I look up to you with my love

A Fool's Commentary

I found a trinket of gold lying bent on the street
I saw a young man gambling with nothing to eat
I heard a mother singing to her angry child
I stopped to witness it all for a while

I watched two woman sip coffee in a second hand store
I saw executives mopping a blood covered floor
I bent to notice a crack in the sidewalk below
I heard a preacher and decided it was time to go

I am the fool inhaling the pulse of the scene
Wise and wicked and stupid or so it would seem
I don't try to understand the players I see
Smug as I step from my perch knowing that I am free

A Collaboration With Passion

My body writhes with the poison of this elixir
Clawing and cutting it's way into my skin
More than persuasion more than mind control
A slave to sweet passion is all I've ever been

Arching my back I inhale heated desire
Outstretched my arms strain and grasp at nothing
Heaving my chest as my breath breaks the chains binding
The colors, the words and notes on the page laugh mocking

The wanting the lusting the needing for this release
Contradicts the hunger and I'm brought to my knees
Unrelenting punishment from the heavens
Hell take me from agony I plead

Don't leave me alone too long I whisper
Remember that your minion awaits with zeal
I recline and revel in abandon
Passion loves what her torment reveals

For The Lizards

Outside my garden window in a tiny hidden place
Funny little lizards soak up the sun's embrace
Smiling, playful emeralds grace my window pane
Lap up drops of water from a gentle summer rain
Bobbing heads, flashing throats, jumping up and down
Defending what is theirs they claim, those silly little clowns
They tickle me with laughter from my early childhood days
When I had kept them prisoner inside a small glass cage
And now I ask forgiveness for the ignorance of youth
I would have never held you captive had I known the truth
Long years have I slaved blood sweat and tears
To make our friendship new
My garden is my treasure and my humble gift to you.

Galvanizing Angel

By my own admission
You are the cause of my addiction
Watching you for years
From years away
Obsessed with your sensuous skill
I desired it but lacked the will
And now it seems my life
Has gone astray
Allowing myself freely to ride
On the wave of infatuation you provide
Taken by your acoustic charm I'm
Mute to play
As my ears strain to listen
I'm caught in superstition
Will I ever hear your living sigh
Harmonic refrain
I've never understood what's in your song
That keeps me holding on
A simple chirp from mismatched eyes
Stops the rain
Thirty years of this addiction
Causes me such shame and reflection
Entranced by a siren's call
Loving the pain
Keep singing angel
Keep my heart beating
Force me to walk out
Of myself.

Insignificance Begs Attention

In the gulf of the deepest black
Tips of glass shards take aim
As the prisms of fire step aside
And the silver orb completes the frame

Within the center of this view
Is the globe warmed and suspended
From where life is born...
To where beginnings will be ended

A hunting ground for the wicked
Gods with hateful appetites
Scour the surface of the land
For those who wish to taste the light

A motion I plead to liquid infinity
That I would beg but a morsel from thee
A trivial taste of your immortality
A mere trifle for a beggar like me...

Curious and imposing blades draw near
Trembling a fool hungers to face
But terrified retracts in sudden fear
Falling humble to earth's embrace

Shame within a simpleton's mind
Significance he begs or demands
And from the vast eyes of eternity
Wills the power of reprimand

Sharp lights descend coldly amused
To reveal harshly the reflected scars
Behold the punishment of the arrogant who
Would demand to become the stars

The Universe in cold brutality
Does not forgive when it summons the name
Of those hunted and trapped in delusion
Collared by the Jezebel
Known as Fame

Awaiting The Melodic Muse

How could I have known
After reading the page
How could I have known
How many times
We failed you
After they assailed you

How was it so
You stood up again
How was it so
Brushed yourself off and then
You leaned toward
And charged forward
And we screamed for more

Despite their words
You glowed with brilliance
Despite their words
You showed resilience
Proved them wrong
With a flashy new song
And we screamed it back

Now you fall silent
Where you once inspired
Now you fall silent
To the myth you sired
As we waited
For you... recreated
We played the music
And danced under the stars.

Urban Beast

Step from the door
As the concrete rises
To meet me
Trapped in the core
Of the cold sick of this city
Squalid with decay
The zombies stumble on by
Shoulders hunched heads hung
Unwilling to meet my eye
Empty hearts and minds
Shells of shapes of men
An ocean of listless nobodies
Their waves pass again and again
Then night falls
They retreat to the stone walls
The mausoleums that hold them
After Time and the elements
Have had their fun and the day comes to end
Desperate to cling to their humanity
Their chemical minds explode
Throwing aberration into the wind
And in the darkness grows
The most beautiful of all the beasts it holds
And beneath my feet
I feel a sharp endless beat
From a heart of stone
Full of life yet alone
One entity
Fueled by an eternity of breath
Chained to oblivion
And destined for Greatness

To Concede

I was sitting here trying to remember the words to a song but it took too long
And there was nothing going on outside no sounds no movement, nothing
At all
Then I remembered when he sang "if you believe..."
And I remembered what I didn't want to.
Creeping flashbacks
There was a time when I thought I was alone in the world and the dead leaves curled
But there was always someone I thought, nagging at the back of my neck, always
Then I thought what I didn't want to think
And I thought I heard someone
Laughing visualizations
Then I caught myself talking to that other one when the conversation had begun
I was caught in a dark room in a dark house glancing out my front window, bewildered
And I got caught up in his whispers
White noise
I wanted to ask him why, so many things I didn't understand, give me a hand
Yet somehow I knew the reasons why even if only he knew, confused
I could not fathom why I didn't know
Mental fog
So I determined that I disconnected all the things that I rejected
And determined I was insane with self blame, easy
But he determined he was better
Ego centric
The cards of the deck that are now in his hand move about at his command
And I watch as my hand begins to shake, intimidated
So I folded
Shut down
As the chips fall
To his full house.

Surrender to Envy

Like some sort of whirlpool
I'm drowning, I'm drowning
I can't catch my breath
I'm flying, I'm flying
Stop short of death
Caught by your voice

A symphony floating
I'm dancing, I'm dancing
Afraid of the echo
But laughing and laughing
Catch myself in a smile
A glance at your eyes

Jealousy my constant companion
Burning a rage for no reason at all
Each day the pages keep on turning
Frightened of failure each time I fall

You make it easy
I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming
To think that I can
I'm doubting, I'm doubting
But nothing prepares me
For the wonder you are

I'll keep my envy
I'm happy, I'm happy
To settle for nothing
It's what I'll be getting
I'd rather love hating
That I can't be you

Who Holds The Keys

I could feel your warm smile
I could see your arms around me
I could hear the twinkle in your eyes
And touch your breath
Such a strange peace has fallen between us
After years of aggressive banter
Back and forth like a tug of war
Heels dug in and locked horns

I can smell your body heat
Sense the motion of your movements behind me
And there's no tension no threat
Still that smirk glides across your lips
Like a fiendish imp
Sneaking up on me from the side
And it makes me smile

Like a couple of children
Meeting for the first time
Or like a summer breeze
Dancing across my face
But more like a lover's gentle coaxing
A strange and curious seduction
Spinning me into a web of fantasy

We approach each other
No longer guarded, barely hanging on to caution
I can hardly control my excitement
But you tease with self restraint
And it makes me laugh
A practical joker though, I don't get the punch line

So much time wasted in bickering anguish
Promise you'll stay my warden, promise to be my keeper
And I'll obey your every command
And I will jump at the wave of your hand

I will submit as you want me
If you will keep kind your domination
Allow me the token abandon but steady my hand
And I will give to you that challenge
I will continue to defy you
It's that fight that wins you over

I know you love me
Though you're affection feels like a collar of thorns
Wrapped around my neck
With you holding that leash
The jabbing needles burning me
Spurring me on

But I know you care because you have to
Not much choice for you there
You are my sentinel, my prison guard
And I am your precious nightmare

Dart Wound

I woke last night to the sound of rain
I heard a voice and it spoke my name
Let it be true
I knew it was not you

A memory lost not so long ago
Something that I knew I would never know
I ignored the cue
I knew it was not you

You left in a flash without a moments notice
Now you can't change what you have left undone
Did it ever occur to you I often wonder
That you were not the only lonely one

I wandered about until a quarter till
I could not think but had time to kill
I keep clinging to
I knew it was not you

I tried to sleep but the memory taunted
Then I felt sick with my instincts haunted
I always knew
That day it would be you
Yes it's true
I knew it would be you

The Fall Of Narcissus

Just we two
How could I have not seen
Me and You
Has all this time been We
As it will always be...
Mirrored glass
Split down the middle
With the reflection
Remaining a riddle
Was it not I looking back
Was it someone else
Standing at my back
Your face was unchanged
Each time I returned
To the Mirror
The lesson remained
Unlearned
When I returned
To the Mirror
Clarity appears to surface
Again your presence
Gazing back at me
I study your eyes
Repress a growing smile
I know you'll comfort me
A while
I fear not that I see
Or what you may be
Desperately I've fallen
Though I grow uncertain
Be this where I'm destined
For I fear this infatuation
Or worse, my own horrid lust
Surly it matters not
To either of us
Should I go lost again
You will find me
When the waters are stilled
I will see your face
Clearer now than ever it has been
The feel of your heat
Rushed through my very veins
On the brink of your touch
Intoxicated, it becomes too much
I return here to you
Each day my love
You are my echo
My sweet release
It is your chaos
That brings me peace

The New Machine

Now there is a strange feeling deep inside
One that's only ever been pondered
But now the desire to engage it
Has become more than just a musing
A feeling known at times before
Returns at a curious time
When suddenly it feels like ice cold water
Running down our spine
Refreshing and shocking
Unique and all too familiar
The loud noises are muffled nearly silent
And the crowd has disbursed save for a few
We see only you
The wind is at our back at present
Gently nudging us along
Into a new direction
With only a minuscule hesitation
We slowly take the steps that way
A slow momentum is gained
The focus becomes intense
The picture now becomes so clear
With each passing moment the vehemence grows
Wonder when push will become shove
The light ahead is nearly blinding
But the warmth is strong and inviting
A confidence seems to be growing
An awareness as yet untapped
Compels us to actions we never thought we'd take
Discard the trash, resurrect the worthy
Step into the new skin embrace a new breath
Unlock the cage door release the hounds
Feel the tempest circumvention
And a new wind fills the being
Saturates the lungs
The fires begin to ignite
Combustion fuels the meditation
And the motion picks up steam
An eternity in the making
Years of torment to finally get it right
And this may be the crowning product
And it will be as you predicted from the start
Those countless days evolving
A concoction of your brilliance
That no one knew but you
Without a clue to anyone
Would this be your masterpiece
Your magnum opus contrived of all the rest
How long will this one remain
Until again inspiration takes you
We suspect this may be your answer
As the elements take their positions
And you prepare with cloaked elation
To finally unveil
The new Machine

Snakes and Monkeys

Aaahh yes... little monkey...
Come a little closer won't you?
Come see the pretty, shiny
Objects in my magical black jar
How they sparkle...do they dazzle your eyes?
Don't be afraid...little monkey...
I mean you no harm
I'm just as curious
About exactly what you are.
Slip your hand inside
And grab a handful of surprise
But don't let go or they may slip away
How you desire those lovely objects
But your gaze never leaves mine
And then there's something you don't like
Deep inside my eyes
You move your hand to jerk away
But you are trapped and here you'll stay
Now I think you see
The danger lurking within me
But you need not be afraid
At least for now anyway...
You're so easy, so naive and unaware
But I know your more
Than what is there on the surface
Are you trying to taunt me?
If so, then I highly recommend
You remove your hand from that jar
If you can...
So close and yet so far away
Let me see you
Let me look into your eyes
What do you see in mine?
I can see your fear reflected
But your wonder overtakes your senses
And you stare right back
But you never let go of your stash
Go ahead and test me
It's hard to taunt what you can't see
But that is what you're doing
When your silence falls on my ears
Don't rouse my anger
For your own safety I beg
Once it's loose I can not be held responsible
For what I've said
You feel panic
Desperation overwhelming you
You look tragic
Now that flight response
Is alive and well
Madly tugging at the magic black jar
Still holding on to your treasure
Now you remember
What they told you
Don't you?
Only now it's unclear
If there was ever an escape plan
So long as I hold the jar, I hold you
So long as you hold your treasure
You remain here
Is this really where you want to be?
Held captive by me?
Oh yes turn your head away
As if I might dissolve
But you're still here
As am I
So many chances
You've had so many hints
So many opportunities
And now I've finally run out of patience
And I find your interest was only fleeting
Not really an interest in me
But rather the shiny treasure
In my magic black jar
So now little monkey
I relieve you of your dilemma
With a simple pinch of your hand
A scream of surprise and a sharp brief pain
As you let go of the objects below
Release your hand and pull away
Run a short distance
And with a sudden realization stop
Look back to where I was
And you see only my shadow
Disappear into the sky.

The Twin

Ever feel like you have a shadow?
Someone constantly watching over your shoulder?
Even though you know they aren't there?
I'm not talking about ghosts or guardian angels.

More than just a voice
More than just a gut reaction
Someone who may not give a choice
To you or what you do.

Someone so clear within yourself
Can make you feel like someone else
Can make you feel they may be real
Send cold shivers up your spine
Make you feel erotic
Make the world seem a million miles away

How do you live with that other creature
How do you tell reality from imagination
How do you break from the spell your under
How do two halves become whole

When each side is at odds with each other
And no one is willing to give an inch
And the other feels so much stronger
Yet there are times you feel like you've won

Why does it keep coming back
Why can't it just be me
I never asked for it to be
And somehow I owe it all to him

I just want control
I want it to be the right way
But there are times I don't know what that is
I can't tell good from bad

He pushes one way I push back
Each disagreement is a mental attack
He knows my weaknesses and exploits that
How do I unravel his code

For the sake of my sanity
This is how is has to be
But no matter how much I learn
He always changes

I never get caught up
I never pin him down
I'm always under his thumb
Under his will

He just lets me have a turn
From time to time
Just to prove he's kind
Just to show he's fair

I say I am sure I don't want to be
This monster lurking inside of me
But the truth is getting harder to hide
And with each day I'm letting him slide

And there's no help anywhere
My cries fall on deaf ears
My wishes fall into silent chasms
My hopes fade away.

Synapsis

It's always night when I'm here in this place
Same reflection in the window of the same old face
Letters on the keyboard that my hands retrace
Just a 20 where I come to state my case
Watch the cars fly by along the street
Moving too fast for a suburban beat
The night time creature search for something to eat
And I'm instantly on my feet
Looking at the bright white screen
Knowing I could be kind, sarcastic or mean
Thinking about how to shatter the scene
In a flash went to now from being a teen
Just wondering about the future in an open way
Not really thinking about the next day
Other thoughts soon fade away
The night sky looks gray
Take a deep breath and try to empty my mind
Would others care if I put these thoughts online
Could I be bold enough to share mine
I never have the courage for much I find
I feel determined sometimes to rhyme my thoughts
Loose meaning as a result no matter the cost
So does it really matter what I've lost
The skin on my arms becomes embossed
If nothing makes sense here my job is done
I've lead you to here so the battle is won
And all this rambling just goes on and on
Lord knows what else it would spawn
The stupidity that some thoughts are worth
As valuable as a grain of dust floating across the earth
Until that little thought might reach it's berth
And bring to all a state of mirth
I don't know poetry can't write a song
But I'm aware of my thoughts all along
Don't know where I fit in or where I belong
I just know what I feel is right is usually wrong
Interesting what we place value on
Interesting what we follow
Interesting how we use our minds
Interesting the trash we keep.