The Joy of Madness

I see the lighting fade away
Looking like the dawn of a new day
Might just be on it's way...
Well,
I could sit here and ponder it all night
What it is about that powerful light
That keeps me wanting more and more
Time to settle the score
You know this madness thing all in your head
Don't see the danger after the light turns red
But if you let it be you may just find
That whirling madness brings you peace of mind
And I feel fine
Days have come, days have past
Seems to have given me some clarity at last
Now when I look that demon in the eye
A joker I will find
But that demon he got somethin to say
When those dark days come into play
Look into his eyes and you may find
He can give you...peace of mind
And I feel fine
There's something to be said for sincerity
Seems like an honest look is the golden key
When you finally accept what it is you are
The good days outnumber the bad by far
Look again at that joker, and this time ask
Why he got to wear that hideous mask
He ain't gonna answer no matter how hard you try
Cause the answer he keeps deep within his eyes
Something familiar about his smile
Keep trying to guess at it for a while
When all of a sudden you realize
You remember where you saw his eyes
And you feel fine...
Now you understand the two are one
And this whole journey has just begun
Two sides of one but one in the same
Separated by a look and a simple name
There does not always have to be balance
For that is the joy and heart of madness
And you may not have any answers
But what does that matter
And the dark days fade away
Even as the sunlight turns to gray
And you know you're on your way...
And you feel fine today...

The Muse

It's like a reflection
In a cool pool of water
Not so clear as a mirror
But the same looks back anyway
It's that commonality you share
Making you completely aware
Of your brush with the divine
So close
Shifting colors in the sky
Across your skin
Changing prisms in your eyes
And within
Anticipating every new sight
Running until they
Over take you
And when they do
You keep returning to the divine
The looking glass fragmented
Repeat the incantation
Until you submit
Exhaustion your companion
Thriving on the rush the exhilaration
One day you may be content
With with the flux
You were once
So long as it remains
So long as it is in your eyes
So long as it fills your head
With the divine
Chase it down
Into the pool before you
Arms outstretched falling forward
Into the divine
The quivering reflection
On it's knees
Swept into those dreams
Of the the divine
Swooning over those eyes
Graceful cruelty
Of the divine.

Oracle

Now I think I know who you are, did you ever know who I am
It's apparent now, hidden deep within
The more I discover the less you care to know
Until you feel the need, to take control
An intellectual equal, with a gentle kindly touch
A look of understanding, a laughter too serious
A composition, of melodious design
Is all I have, to describe
What you are, who you were
To no one, with such a vehement yearning
To bring you outward, once more face to face
To confirm my suspicions, of who you were then
Is it who you are now, for such a long time
Was I too blind, to see what you represented
The personification, the materialization
Of the the other half of me
Looking straight into my eyes, real and physical
Allowing my expressions, to take flight
So long as it was, under your will
Was that the draw to you then
Is that the call to you now
Would it be the same, if I faced you down again
Or will time, disappoint my heart
And show me, like a painting
Imprinted on my mind and in the deepest recesses
Of my soul that I cling to an image
Are you still that image
Same sinister handsome creature
With the slow graceful unrest
Deliberate features, distinguished and fascinating
Taunting me with desires, to step into that figure
If for only one day, in your world of reality
I still hold you close, in my reverie
In the quiet tranquil peace you give me
Until you take it away, from me again
And cut the touch, turn off the channel
And step into my awkward shell
Your comforting form filling me with sure
And steady confidence, even if I feel false
I let go, I let you take control
Sometimes I want it all the time
Sometimes I need you again
But I don't want to want you anymore
Just to change the places
Sometimes I wish you would take it all
Or leave, erased from my memory
One or the other
I haven't the strength nor the desire
To make that choice
Then or now
If ever.

Ode to Regret

The storm clouds wait patiently
For the command
Gathered in the skies above my head
But I feel no regret
I feel no regret
I can only feel love
For those I once knew
For those I've yet to know
For those I love now
And even the storm can't take that away
Pray I don't regret another day

The fury of the wind barrels through the air
At the demand
Bending objects to it's will
But I feel no regret
I try to feel no regret
I can only feel honored
To know those I once knew
To know those I'll come to know
To know those I am honored to know now
And even the wind can't blow that away
Pray I don't regret another day

The pouring rain stings my face
At the insistence
Incensed at my resistance
And I can not deny the pain
No, I can not deny the pain
Of loosing the ones I knew
Of loosing the ones I'll know
Of loosing the ones I have now
And even the sun can't shine that pain away
And I'll live to regret another day

The lightning cracks across the sky and the thunder roars
In victory
On my knees in the storm
But all that regret won't change things
I am what I am because I feel
As long as I still feel
For those I've known
For those I may know
For those I know now
And even the storm can only make it vague
Can only make it vague
But I'll take it anyway
Yes I'll take it anyway
Things will feel better in light of day
As time marches on
There's so much yet to be done.

Cease Fire

Always at each other's throats
Always the best of friends
Two people who do not exist
But are as real as the air we breathe

Adversaries and allies
One cannot exist without the other
Firestorms in the skies above
Always end up in each other's arms

Terrified of their eyes
Run to the comfort of their embrace
Attacks as swift and sure
As the secrets that they share

Mirrors everywhere
See themselves in others
See themselves in different times
Knowing that they're getting older

Is it any wonder
They can not be one without the other
Strongly deny the needs they have
Always waiting for who will make the first move

Send up a flag of truce
For the moment
Until the flags burn down
And there's chaos all around

We all have our demons
We all have at least one
What would we be without
To teach them and be taught

Why do you deny them
Without them we are lost
They are honest about you
When you can not be honest with yourself

Struggle with her
Grapple with him
We are who we are
Unsure of how it begins

Be gentle with that ghost
May be the one you need most
Look around and you may find
Aspects of your demons in all of life

If they are scattered far and wide
So you may be scattered in your mind
But there is no limit to the sensibility
That only your own demon can bring

Let him call you out
Let her challenge truth
Give them Carte Blanche
To understand you

Then perhaps one day
The white flag will stay
Up in the fire lit sky
When we become I

Who is Mary?

Only In Your Heart--America

Mary, have you seen better days?

And will you find different ways?

And does he really mean that much to your heart?

Carry, all of the weight you can, find another man

And lead him directly there to the source

You've got to chart his course

'Cause it is only in your heart

This thing that makes you want to

Start it all again

Wake up from an elusive dream

You've got to change the scene

It's getting so hard to see to the end

Break down, all of the walls you can

You need a helping hand

I'm sure there's someone there just for you

He's trying to make it, too

'Cause it is only in your heart

This thing that makes you want to

Start it all again

Only in your heart

This thing that makes you want to

Start it all again

You can't disregard your friends

But life gets so hard when you reach the end

Mary, have you seen better days?


And sometimes the metaphors speak volumes
And sometimes we let others speak for us.

Spellbound

As vivid as reflected sunlight
Those luminous blades
Those cold prismatic eyes
Walk out from the haze
And the blades are still
Moving only at your will
Crouched over my back
The points aimed
My body tensed
I wish you would
If you would do it
Just bring them down
There's nothing to it
It's what you want
But you don't know it
Now it's your move
You won't do it
You never could
While I sit here bleeding
From small cuts you keep leaving
Here is your chance
Let them fly
You've hesitated all this time
I feel the heat
Race down my neck
The scrape of the edge
Along my back
Lay the cold steel
Upon my shoulders
And laugh
What is it that you've done to me
That I desire such a thing
From something that would never be
I do not understand the need
Yet you seem far too eager
To waste my time like a tease
Or have you forgotten
As you leave me here on my knees
Why do I look to you
For answers
When all you give me is that smile
And fill my head with foolish thoughts
To keep me around for a while
And then the blades start spinning
And I find myself lost
Little cuts here and there
To irritate my skin
Never have I felt the pleasure
Of that twisted edge within
And you leave me wanting it
But you never leave
A gentle caress of your finger
Along my cheek
Retraced with the steel
Your eyes locked on mine
It's my own delusion that I feel
Every single time
Yet I can not break your stare...
This obsession so unfair
Your touch inflames me
Even as a memory
Is that why you've come here now
To torment and torture me
For my twisted heart's desires
A brand new agony
Strike the match and light the fire...
What did you promise me
I'm tired of picking up the pieces
Every time I turn around
Why should I feel bound to you
You'll be gone once I am found
And when you're gone there's nothing
That could bring me back to you
Your unintended seduction
Of my heart and mind
Not so unintended so I find
You were very aware
Of what you had done
Or once again does my delusion
Create us as one
You were my ideal
My vision of perfection
Have you been all this time
Just a false reflection.

Holding My Head

I sit here silent
I listen to
The music playing
In my head

Can't get the words out
Can't make them rhyme
But I want to hear it
Just one more time

If I could move it
Out of my head
Into my hands
This misery would end

I could open
Up my soul
I could play
And let you know

Each instrument
Clear and sharp
So harmonic
Floods my heart

Time to time
The sound will swell
Relieve my soul ache
Deliver me from hell

Lost expression
Voiceless cries
Silent desperation
In the dark of my mind

Tempestuous poison
In my veins
Words stop coming
Sound swells again

And as this torture
Continues on
I wish you could hear
This dieing song

So much inside
Without a voice
Without a reason
Without a choice

In a cage
Trapped by doubt
Ravaged by self hatred
A whispered shout

Words stumble
Over the melody
It is not what
I intended to be

Too many apparitions
Confuse my heart
A cloud of admonitions
Diffuse the art

The music fades...
Only a beat remains
The percussion exit
Leaving an empty stage

Welcome the silence
With nervous dread
Again I stumble
Holding my head

Mockingbird (Past Revisited)

Sitting and watching as the sun goes down
Memories of laughter and love appear in the clouds
Stretched over so many miles I hear Bob Marley play
Ponder past acquaintances until the light of day

Feel the wind howling angry at my back
Never expecting this wicked surprise attack
A stir of emotions whisks me away
Another afternoon of daydreams fade away

The labels we give our lives
So wrong until we realize
What we thought we knew was an illusion
Brings me to this restless conclusion

Again the sun sets and I'm perfectly aware
Time marches on and the past isn't always fair
Retrace your footsteps in an awkward fantasy
If it ever was, was it ever meant for me

Darker the skies become and I can't help but wonder still
Would the future have been kind enough to take away this chill
Don't know what it may mean or why I fear this ghost
Was it all just a dream or what I really wanted most

And that sun keeps going down...

Can a memory of the past hold one so captive
The one memory I clearly see is exactly what that did
So able to push it away
So willing to day after day
Now I find myself held bound by it...captive

In reality I know that the memory was fantasy
Such things in this life clearly were not meant for me
But I can not help but wonder somewhere deep inside
Could this dream have been made real at some point and time

Did I watch the signs closely enough did I read between the lines
You should not look upon the sun no matter how beautiful it shines
Did I cower in the face of things that could have been
I think will never know and that's the most painful sin

Our desires are tied so close to our most intimate passions
Can we be so blind by our own insecurity and fear to take action
To make the fantasy real is all in what we perceive
But it will never become real until we truly believe


And the Mockingbird sings another song...


Yet I believe with painful dread
That memory so clearly etched inside my head
Crystal clear as the ringing of a bell
I've made my own madness inside this living hell

And the wind blows on
And the sun goes down
As day becomes night
The mocking bird takes flight.

The Slave

There was a time
When you were full of heart
There was a time
When you were full of joy
Back in your past
You could conquer anything
Or so you said
Did those words mean anything
Now look at you
Look at what you've become
So much emptiness
Over what you have done

There was a time
You did not know me
Could not conceive
Of what I might be
And now I haunt your thoughts
And bleed your memories
Mangle your fucking identity
It gets a rise out of me


I love watching you aching
I love making you hurt
It feeds my hunger
So let me make it worse

You are counterfeit
I see inside you
You are not what you claim to be
Neither inside nor outside
Your strength has gone
Yet you long to be free

You look to me
With your pleading eyes
You beg me
Remove the masks
Take off the disguise
Let it be free... let it go
So sorry my dear
The answer is no

You have no idea
Who or what you are
I will not be the one
To let you out
You've become pathetic
You want what can not be
And your time is running out
Be grateful you have me

Seeing you this way
So helpless and so weak
Makes me hard to think
You're all mine without a choice
And you will be for a long time
Because you've lost your true voice

The erotic joy
Of seeing you so trapped
Knowing the rest of you
Is so exposed to your beloved tyrant
Exposed in your emotions
A breach in your heart
A tear in your spirit
The tower falling apart

I could give you an answer
I could make it all better
But really what good would it do
For either of us
I could put the pieces together
And make you whole again
But I'm not into giving
And you'll be mine until the end


I'm not letting go
You've given it all to me now
Salacious gratification
And complete control
If I take that away little puppet
You'll never learn anything
You'll never walk through those doors
My little rag doll
Shackled to the floor
You'll never face yourself
And I'm not letting go.

Guilty As Charged

A blown kiss one last time before her head lays to rest on the pillow, one last time before the night takes her away.
Her thoughts deepened in the late hours of you, never forgotten, simply lead astray.
She remembers, in vivid pictures, your figure, your voice your face...
All the memories, simple and warm become hauntings of what might have been.
Now she longs to look into your eyes to caress your hair.
Now her arms ache for yours around her, you close to her, the innocent parting kiss.
She still sees you walking, still hears you talking, your voice like a mysterious melody.
Secrets shared, pain interchanged, how her thoughts betray...
Something with such hunger, and so long ago cries out to you and falls into the echo's
Such a long time now. She wonders if you remember, did you care as much?
When she fell out of touch, she never left you though her voice went silent.
The dearest of spirits, thrown together, holding the other steady.
Did she betray you? Break a promise to you? Her guilt confirms what her mind has done.
But her heart reminds her and won't let her forget. Her punishment not fortified to fit the crime.
The short breath of life makes her regret and hate herself for throwing aside something so beautiful.
If she could turn back the clock, she'd keep your spirit in her hands and never let it go.
Racked with pain over taking for granted one of the best things she had.
Afraid now to get close to anyone else, never realizing how close she was then.
Your wisdom, your intellect, your humor, your smile, brought such comfort
Such peace. She wonders...where are you now? Did peace find you? She would have given anything to gift it to you.
She prays, should our paths cross again please forgive the fool for not seeing what she had in you.
Should you be so kind to reach out she prays the gentle flame will rekindle again.
Should fate be so inclined she prays that it be kind to both of us as she knows so long ago the past is gone.

Undecided

You could be the thing for me
You could be my fantasy
You could make me weak and helpless for you
But you're icy hands frighten my recoiling skin
A vision in my head that came to me one day
Back when I could feel the pain
You are just a image of my own creation
But no matter what I do or how I try
Your face haunts me every day of my life
From the moment you brought me home
To the moment you're here now
So many years wishing you would leave
So many years wishing you would not go
My god why have I done this
Was this the only hope I had
And now what was once meant to protect
Has matured out of hand
He floods me with feelings I want to shake
So I fight much harder to win back the queen
An iron grip around my ego and a choke hold on my id
One hand at the back of my neck pressing down from behind
I can feel heat but do not understand his mind
Cold from head to toe, fierce blue eyes, pale as snow
Tender as a loving parent, patient as a Buddhist monk
Cruel as a vicious winter, violent as a desert storm
Completely unpredictable even after all these long years
Raise me up like the queen of the world
Leave me battered and in tears
So handsome and so frightening
Why did my fear and shame choose you
If I could purge you would I
If I could loose you could I
Do I really want to hate you, do I
Should I destroy you, should I
What would it take to make it right
Don't let go and let me know that you're there
Let me feel that cold icy stare
Bring your cold lips to my ear
Whisper through my hair
We will always be one.

lluminated

It would seem so many would follow one
It would seem the masses would hallow the sun
It would seem the quiet voice in the shadows can't be heard.

It would seem simplistic ideas are are made complex
It would seem complicated thoughts are perceived as intense
It would seem the light at the end of the tunnel may be a fire.

How do we awake from our own sleepy ignorance?

It would seem art is dead and fallen
It would seem peace is hollow and distrusted
It would seem the quiet voice in the shadows brings hope

It would seem we've traded reason for apathy
It would seem we've lost sight of the dream
It would seem the light at the end of the tunnel may be a candle.

Wake up sleepy one. We have many miles to go.

It would seem the ramblings of a troubled mind are dismissed
It would seem the voice in the shadows lost interest
It would seem no longer does the quiet of life inspire.

Screaming loud as it can the little voice in the shadows
Is only a whisper on the daylight breeze
As the sun casts it rays at the end of the tunnel
Nothing more than colors through the trees.

The Figures

What was that?
Did you catch it?
Out of the corner of my eye
Made me move
Made me skittish
Though I do not question why
All those nights
Seeing ghosts
They reappear
Pale hosts
Of my moonscape
Curtains sway
Thought I saw them
again today
It is quiet
In this place
I'm on edge
Feel displaced
I don't belong here
They tell me
And I believe them
What do you see?
Tell the others?
What do you say?
The white movement
That you don't
Really see
What would they think
Of me?

Could be my mind
Playing tricks
As always
Getting it's kicks
I know I saw them
I won't believe
They're real
They're not who
I want them to be...

Outside the window
They go by
Pale white figure
In a darkened sky
Where are they going?
Can anyone see?
Do they know
What they're doing to me?
I turn away
I close my eyes
In that moment
I hear cries
I will not listen
They are not real
I won't believe
What I can't feel...

Don't take away
The only thing I have left
Haunt me tomorrow
When I loose my breath.

Holy

I was watching the flashing lights out my office window illuminate the sky
I could hear the sound of thunder close enough to get my blood boiling
How could we take for granted something so powerful and holy
We don't think twice about it anymore, no we don't
But in the end the Grand Dame will settle the score
My nerves stand at attention, I have been called to step out
Into the lights of the night, and take in the wind and the rain
And I'm made new again.
Seems like such a simple equation, be we'll never master it
In our existence we've chosen to turn away and so...one day...
Will be the end and we won't have time for planning
We won't have time for thinking
We won't have time for the ones that matter
For those who climb the sacred ladder
For the simple things.
And so I type, waiting for more of the lights to carry me away
but they don't come. Look at the time piece for what may be the next step
Short bursts of energy I have longed for some time now
Only in the distance the lights are glowing.
I can smell the water in the air and wait to feel it
but does not come.
My thirst is growing panic and I hear my heart drumming
Harder and faster as the sky cracks open many miles away
The night is unforgiving. The crone does not appear this day
The shards of glass that illuminate the velvet mass
Are silent.
I am unsettled as I think on my life
A tiny single cell in a universal fight
The treachery of survival and identity overtake me
I can't think about it any more
I dare not question the purpose of the heavens
Though I can not help but wonder
Which time piece will I die under?

The Brothers

If I could bring you home I
Would do whatever it took I
You see your brother and I
Don't get along too well
Theses days and
If you would just stay a while
twinkling eyes crooked smile
I might finally get out of
This hell
You're so out of touch
Yes you know so much
And if you would teach me
Before I fell
Again in the shadows I
Lost and without direction I
Could use your help
To quick to leave me
Before the lesson's over
Grasping at the air
Walked away you didn't care
Into the mist you disappear
Your brother is so much colder
More so as he gets older
Not a bad chap just not what I
had hoped for
Has his good side too like you
Is he breaking me down or am I
sabotaging what he's worth
Afraid to look into his eyes I
might see something I don't understand
If you would just come home
You could help him I
could kill two birds with one stone
This time stay a while
You know you're always welcome here
Despite what they say I
Will always be waiting
At the window I
Will always look forward to you I
Know you can't stay forever though I
Don't know the reason
Just come home, warm your brother's heart
Give me just a little time
So I understand everything
Will be alright

Israel (Gabriel)

I see you
Deep inside my head
Behind my eyes
Haunting me
Are you friend or foe
How am I to know
Filling my heart with thoughts
I can't control
Charming
Alarming
Gentle...even kind
I must be blind
Standing over me
Like a shadow
Seducing my morality
Into your demands
A slight of hand
Beautiful and sinister
Cold luxurious heat
With no heartbeat
I've memorized every line
In your face
Tempt me with compassion
Comfort me with hatred
Enlighten me with lies
I adore you
Encourage my will
Break my spirit
Excite me
Isolate me
Bound and gaged
I hear only echos
Of your whispers
In my ears
Stop me
Start me
Never definitive
Who you are
What I want
Do not abandon me
Punish me
Cradle me
I want you out
Possessed I
Sick from you
Longing for your caress
Whithered from your touch
The passion in your voice
moves through me
Paralyzes me
Your breath on my neck
I can feel you
Arouses me
It isn't there
Entertain me
With your wit
Lighthearted laughter
Turns dark
Sinister and cold
Delightful conversation
Biting and sharp
Master and slave
Teacher and student
Smothers my identity
I become you
But you are not I
And still you remain
In my head
Trapped in this prison I
Bound to it's captor
The sentence terminal
The reason unknown

Insignificant

Looking up into the cold night sky
The crisp fresh air, your breath gray steam
billows upward
Watching the stars hanging above
until it challenges my equilibrium
and the world begins to spin
Starring down infinity
A speck of dust on the brow of eternity
If that is all we are, how did we get this far
Not bad for an insignificant grain of sand
If there is something more do we
Look to the stars to find it
Or raise it from a book
Delve into the oceans
Or look deep inside
In that dark place we hide
Darker than the night sky
Or the greatest depths of the sea
A most frightening place to be
What if all you believe is wrong
And the walls come crashing down
questioning your faith
In everyone
In the sun
Now you're stuck wishing on a star
Looking for the answers
To questions that don't really matter
Your hands grow old and shake
There must be some mistake
When you stepped outside
It was quiet
It was quiet
Now hear the chatter
Those demanding justice
Those in desperate straights
Stepping off the edge
Where you thought there were answers
There is you and only you looking back
You've got one shot
make it count
The clock is ticking
Always ticking
Never mind the stars
Never mind the answers
Keep moving, keep moving

White Phantom

I could have been you... a long time ago
I could have been
Pull me apart piece by piece until you were done
And there's nothing to compare with the nightmares
Nothing even comes close
Like a phantom withdrawn, safe until dawn
Injured in exile
Dampened and chilled with the wound still bleeding
It's not real, as your hand passes through it
Still you know it's there
And you can't turn away and you hear in the distance
The Gods are still singing
Slipping into silence straining to hold on
Then once it falls away
There's no going back
You had to know this was coming
Glorious and curious with a new set of eyes
Looking down upon the world
Are the Gods still singing do they reach you like they did once
Have their voices grown old to your new ears
Will you walk away and let them fade
You're a new machine now complete with apathy
You'll turn your back like they turned away
And finally put a stop to those Gods
And their voices singing
No need for inspiration...he has what you've come here for
Do what you have to, make the nightmare come true
Let the bitter wine flow
The delicious taste of being jaded
Now shove it down the throats of everyone you know
Pull yourself higher ignore all the heat from the ones down below
Then when you're ready, tell them what they want to hear
Tell them the truest lie of them all
He's waiting with that smile
And the Muse keeps dancing, his cold blades spinning
And he'll pause just a moment
Before he plunges the blades in
And you're clawing at your skull, tearing at your eyes
You let him take control, owns you as he rapes you
And you're letting it go, no choice no voice no chance
Can't keep up with his laughter can't keep up the dance
He left your spirit in shambles and your sanity in rags
And now that he has you, you might have a chance
Another chance to be anyone he wants you to be
He consumed your will to break it, filled you with rage
He's made the perfect monster, beaten, broken
Hungry and aggressive full of desire for the mind he fed it
Years of his torment is what you will face
He'll drive you harder harder and harder
Your nose to the ground down upon your knees
And you'll beg to beg him, want him need him
Glorify, desire him
Enslave yourself for his amusement
Go ahead now
Make the mirror proud, make the phantom happy
And when he uses you up and leaves you spent
Naked in the gutter, lonely and desperate
You'll be smiling like a fool for what he gave you
He made you into somebody, cherished without a soul
Beloved by all... striking and beautiful
While he torments my head
The blades always spinning but never make contact
And plead for death while laughing
Laughing as he denies me
I would beg for their release
To send the icy crack of thunder down my spine
So I could be someone....anyone....